|
癤� Amira Abdellatif - I think of myself as a teacher and a guide. My working life, what there is of it, was as a teacher of English Language and Literature. At ...
There are endless books, articles, and online seminars trying to help us make our way through the confusing world of personal relationships. Many are excellent. So why are we still helplessly confused and lost in the maze?
There was recently a free online seminar "The Ultimate Soulmate Summit" hosted by Claire Zammit and Arielle Ford who brought us a wonderful array of guests presenting excellent counsel.
So what did I learn?
I learnt from Dr. John Gray (author of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus (Harper Collins, 1992 ) not to think of men as a masculine shaped version of women. Amazing as it may seem, they do not go in a hundred directions at the same time. They do not like to chatter to their friends about everything that happens during their day. They – believe it or not! – do not like to analyse every look, word and gesture that took place during a conversation. They do not want my advice, freely and constantly given. They don't want the fun of arguing over everything either!
Men are simple beings, hard-wired to protect and care for their special one. But you have to ask for their help. Yes, I know, we women find that hard to believe. After all, it's so obvious what we want, right?
You also have to give them time to mentally process your request before they respond. My immediate response used to be "oh, don't bother" followed by "I'll do it myself" or "It's not important" or hurt silence. Which is part of why my relationships failed. Dr. Pat Allen, author of Getting to: I Do (Harpercollins, 1995), explained it so beautifully. She said that it was a measure of your man's respect for you that he took the time to think about your request. He is honouring you and himself too. Men think in a linear fashion, and it is up to us to respect that. We will get that respect back a hundred-fold.
But, of course, all men are not created equal. So how can I know when I'm being honoured and when I'm just being ignored?
Ask the dating coach Evan Marc Katz, author of Why He Disappeared (ebook and audio, 2010). He advises us to listen closely to what a man actually says and NOT fill in the gaps ourselves. What we think they mean is usually not at all what they actually mean.
Look at what a man actually does for you; that is an accurate measure of your importance to him. He advises women to stand their ground, preferably in silence, and wait. And wait. And wait some more. If he cares for you, he will make the effort for you. If he doesn't care that much, well, you're better of knowing that.
Alison Armstrong says that men, at their core, are warriors. "They naturally conceal everything: their strength, their weakness, their love and their detachment."
So if you want to know the man, you have to leave him a lot of space for him to advance towards you. And he will only do that if he feels safe with you. This applies to men who are seeking a relationship, not just sex.
What I have learnt is, in a way, what women have always known: virtue is a magnet. Be true to yourself and stand firm on what you believe and what you want; explanations are unnecessary and probably counter-productive. Light- hearted flirtation is fun, but let the men do the chasing.
http://www.handbags-luxury-sale.com/louis-vuitton-leather-handbags-c-385.html
http://www.jeansonlinecheap.com/womens-jeans-jeans-legging-c-19_29.html
http://www.cheap-footballshoes.com/adidas-f50-adizero-ii-prime-fg-soccer-cleats-white-green-blue-p-86.html
http://www.cheap-footballshoes.net/nike-soccer-shoes-c-52.html
- 처리 대기 중 입니다. -
|
[!] 
입금일자 : hguhqj wirlhc yvahjqxf upmcugwcqg cgsgbr
